Finding friends

Wow - when I started this blog thing... It wasn't due to 'peer pressure' but 'daughter pressure' !!!

I've always read Becky's blog - her living so far away, it was one way I could keep in contact with her. Not that I needed that really. Becky and I are very close. I often know stuff without her telling me. Not because of anything specific, but we are just so connected. To my shame though, I had NO IDEA she had PND. And she kept if from me for a long time.

If only she hadn't... One day I was telling her all about my trauma's and the next day she mentions her PND. I ofter wish that she'd mentioned that first and I may have been less open with her about my life. (Sorry Beck)

This last year, Becky has been my rock. She had to be the strong one for me AND her dad the day I left, and throughout the ensuing months. She also kept an eye on her three brothers to make sure they were all ok, all the while dealing with a difficult pregnancy and having to come to terms with her parents separating for herself.

So Becky - I thank you.

And now she's 'encouraged' me into the blogging world. And within a few days I've found a heap of friends that I can relate to on so many levels. I don't know if I can be as honest as many of you. (I have a daughter that I still - on some level - feel that I need to protect. And I think she reads my blog :) )

So, from my timid beginnings, and the beautiful comments I have received... There were some questions asked and comments made that I felt I should answer. But I'm not the kind of person who can give one sentence answers. So here goes:

Cate asked if I was a photo buff like Becky and what I'm studying at Uni.

Yes I love to take photos. My poor grandchildren. When they're at home, they have a mother with a camera in their faces all the time. THEN they come here and they get TWO camera's in their faces. However I'm not creative like Becky. I just point, shoot and hope for the best. I love Becky's photography (and I am NOT biased!!)

Uni - hmm. When I was 18 - my first job was at a library. I covered library books and other stuff. I always wanted to be a librarian. So now - 30 years later, at 49 years old, I'm starting a Bachelor of Information Studies (Librarianship). This will take me some years, because I'm also working full time. But it's what I want to do. And then I want to be a school librarian. Not sure how that will go - but it's a goal.

Maxabella mentioned that she thought she thought I sounded like a teenage girl - and yes I do know what you mean. If you ask Becky she'll tell you that I act like a teenager. I FEEL like a teenager in my heart, and in my head. My body just hasn't stayed here with me.

That being said - I can be a responsible adult and mother. I just like it better when I can still be a kid. Being a kid has eluded me a lot lately - but my inner child breaks out occasionally.

You also said that you hoped I might write about my pain someday. I very much doubt that I can - well some things anyway. Not because I can't as such, but because there's more than me involved. There are other people that I can hurt, that I can damage, and I won't allow myself to do that to the people I love.

I have spent today reading through so many people's blogs, all my new friends blogs. And so many things that I've read have mirrored things in my life. So many things that have helped me just by reading them. And I want to thank you all for being braver than me. For being strong enough to open yourselves up and share your lives.

I hope that I don't disappoint you.